He's Gone Now
by Intense Stare
Summary: How does Hermione deal with the death of a loved one? "I couldn't catch my breathe in between sobs. I needed to get out of here and all of a sudden I was on my feet" PWP, AU and Disregarding DH Epilogue.


**A/N - This story was written for astronauts 'Everybody's Got A Dark Side - Challenge' challenge. Hope you enjoy it and as always I own nothing.**

He's Gone Now

I lay motionless on my bed, staring up at the sky light. I couldn't see much through the small window because of the rain pelting down from the heavens but the heavy pitter-patter was calming.

My cheeks were stiff from the tears that had dried there. It had taken longer than I expected for my eyes to run dry but it happened eventually, like they did every night since the final battle.

Everyone had lost someone in the war but I couldn't help but think that I had lost more than most. Almost everyone had someone to lean on to help them get over there losses. My person to lean on was taken away from me.

_It was a mystery to me, as it was to most, how the so called 'Gryffindor Princess' -how I despised that nickname- and the 'Bat Of The Dungeons' had gotten together._

_I supposed it had started with the long hours I spent in the dungeons near the end of sixth year, already preparing for my seventh year project. I had chosen to base my project on potions. The project that had been long forgotten about was supposed to be an alteration to the Wolfsbane potion. I had originally planned to try and take away the pain that was involved in the transformation._

_I spent hours making the original Wolfesbane potion and researching the properties of each ingredient used in the process. We spent so much time together, confined in the small lab, so that eventually one thing had lead to another and soon enough my lips were locking with his and my hands were entwined in his hair. Which surprisingly wasn't at all greasy to touch._

As usual when my thoughts took a turn down this road my eyes some how managed to find moisture that should have been long cried out. The tears didn't come like usual -in heartbreaking, uncontrollable sobs- no, this time they fell slowly one by one, leaving silvery wet trails down my face where they fell.

The next memory that made its way to the forefront of my mind was an unwelcome one. It took place during the final battle, the shrieking shack to be precise.

_Absolute horror flooded my body when I saw Severus and Lord Voldemort in the one room. Severus had confiding in me about the task Dumbldore had asked him to complete. A task which involved killing him. He warned me that Harry must believe that he killed Dumbledore because of his loyalty to Voldemort and not at Dumbledore's request._

_I played my part perfectly as we searched for horcruxes. Not allowing the boys to know that I still harboured my love for Severus Snape. I endured Ron's taunts about choosing the 'Death Eater' when it was his turn to wear the locket. Ignoring my instincts to defend the dark eyed man._

_Though as I sat behind Harry in the cramped tunnel I had a gut feeling_ _that something was going to go wrong, that I could do nothing to stop it._

_When Voldemort spoke the faithful words that sent Severus to his death my mouth opened and I was sure it was going to let out a scream that would give our destination away but it must have been that I was too shocked, too hurt, too broken to make any noise at all for no sound left my mouth._

_When Voldemort had left, and Harry rushed forward to Snape I stead behind, frozen with disbelief. I couldn't even find it in myself to resent Lily Potter when Severus asked Harry to look at him so he could see Harry's eyes, Lily's eyes. Though I may have loved him with everything I possessed, we both knew that his heart still belonged to the feisty red-haired girl._

_I couldn't bring myself to go to his body when Harry returned to the tunnel, not sure that I could handle actually seeing him dead, from my position in the tunnel I could only see his feet and part of his left leg. I left the tunnel with the boys and fought like he would have wanted me to, well not exactly like he would want me to. I could hear comments in my head about 'foolish Gryffindors'._

The sobs came like I expected them to now. I couldn't catch my breathe in between sobs. I needed to get out of here and all of a sudden I was on my feet. Ignoring the dizzy head rush that came from moving to fast, I opened the door that was connected to my room in Grimmauld Place -where most of the remaining Order were staying. I bolted down the corridor and staircases until I reached the door that would allow me to leave this place. I passed a few worried glances on the way out as my eyes were still leaking but everyone was used to emotional outbursts by now. After all the war hadn't been long over a week ago now.

I let out a sigh as I felt the rain hit my face, almost instantly I was soaked. The tears didn't stop but they slowed, giving me a chance to breathe. The place looked eerie under the dim light of the streetlamps.

It wasn't until I was standing at the streetlamp directly in front of Grimmauld Place that I realised that my legs were moving. I fully intended to keep moving until a voice from behind me caused my steps to falter.

"Hermione, dear." It was the voice of Molly Weasley, a voice that used to calm me, make me feel like I was at home and safe. Nothing had that effect on me anymore.

Molly put an arm around my shoulder and I flinched away, as I had done to any physical contact since Severus went away.

"Come on inside, dear, you'll catch your death out here," she said ushering me back towards the house ignoring how I stiffened as she used the word 'death' but I was sure she noticed.

It wasn't until I was back under shelter and the cloud of depression settled back over me did I realise that standing out in the pounding rain was the most alive I'd felt since Severus Snape had died.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - Please Review and let me know what you think it make's me haaappy and hyper :)**


End file.
